It’s not about the food. I say this a lot, and with great conviction. I am also aware of how much food is a part of culture – a part of everything. Even in 2008, its consumption is still a marker of family values, social class and status. America still stands grounded on the thin ice of good Christian values; despite gluttony’s inclusion in the seven deadly sins – how else did Americans arrive at a 64.5% overweight and obesity rate? It must be something in those wafers! I can’t place all the blame here either. My fellow Israelites seem to feel that gluttony is next to godliness; if someone dies, send a platter, make them fatter! We cry, we die, we eat! We celebrate, we commemorate, we eat!

I was shown from an early age that you should ‘never let them see you eat’. I would proudly return home from a Bar Mitzvah and announce that I had not had even a bite of food. And just how was it, that at 13, I was wearing size 36 pants? Magic! I just couldn’t fathom being fat and having people scrutinize my food intake. At least, in private, I could experience the wrath of my own poor judgment on every level, but to the average observer – my obesity could only be attributed to some sick twist of fate!

My partner, Matthew, was just away for a few days. I suppose, some deeper instincts kicked in. I spent $200 on groceries. I stocked the fridge, the pantry, and the freezer. My neighbor Janet even offered up some of her refrigerator real estate. This was the first time that I was alone in our apartment. I hardly ate – not in the effort of any weight loss, but instead, I simply had no desire, nor inclination. Food became nothing more than a source of energy.

This marked a dramatic shift in my thinking. Coming from a Jewish cultural background that is almost exclusively built around rituals of food consumption, eating a little in the face of too much has always been a theme. In fact, if you think about it, eating disorders only occur in developed countries and cultures where food is in abundance. This is the American paradox; in a country built upon consumer culture, what defines the individual that abstains from consuming? Who is he, who drinks nothing at the bar?

Eating nothing was a show of my rebellion. By not consuming, I was setting myself apart. By consuming in private, I failed to shield myself from the scrutiny I feared. How one gets to be 285 pounds is no secret.

Food, and how we consume it, has a lot of meaning attached to it. It is, in many ways, a definition of who we are and how we express where we come from. Maybe, you are what you eat, and if I were Julia Child, I’d end by saying (like a good ‘WASP’, wine in hand), “Bon Appetit!”  

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