January 11^th marked 9 years since my first Weight Watchers weigh-in. I have gained and lost and lost and lost and gained and lost again, and the feeling I had on that fateful January 11 ^th is still palpable. I feel reminded every time I turn on the TV. January often marks a month of short-lived resolutions, and some that require great resolve in the long run. Mine has been a long run, and I am still running. I run from gaining the next pound in this journey of maintenance in fear that it will begin to weigh me down again.

Television reminds me that Valerie Bertinelli lost 40 pounds on Jenny Craig; is this my mentor? Weight Watchers tells me that diets don’t work, and Slim Fast has also adopted a new marketing campaign. And only in South Beach … promoters for a new diet elixir were peddling free product last Sunday on

. The bottle declared promises of fat burning and appetite suppression – all from a tasty, ten-calorie beverage. In no time at all, the homeless of South Beach had found a new way to suppress even their presumably hearty appetites.

The word ‘resolve’ is often defined as “to bring to an end” or to “settle conclusively”, yet it seems that our independent resolutions for the New Year don’t vary much from year to year. So, what have we settled conclusively?

All these years later, I cannot watch The Biggest Loser without crying. I admire the struggle and the strength that these individuals exert in their very public and personal challenges. Mostly, I am impressed that even the masterminds at NBC recognize that weight loss is not merely a battle of physics. Whether it be for the sake of ratings or not, I like that for the first time, the emotional weight of obesity can be brought to light in a public forum for all to see. During my weekly weigh-ins, when I would gain some weight instead of losing it, no one stopped to ask me if anything was upsetting me. Instead, I had the option to review my food diary with a consultant. It’s not about the food!

I know what lies beneath the facial expressions at the weigh-ins. I remember losing that first 8.6 pounds during my first week on the program, and I remember the feeling on that fateful January 11^th. I have every record of every weigh-in, and remember the color of the ink with which my weight was entered for the first time on paper; I watermarked it with my tears. I remember crying at that first meeting – and that feeling was fear. I was afraid of myself, of my possible failure – and worst of all – I was afraid of my potential success. Being fat is easier than other things.

Or is it?

Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, somewhere inside the chaffed thighs of every person who struggles with their weight is this fear of unfolding. Weight is not the problem, it is the solution!!!

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written by jeannette, January 18, 2008

If it's not about the food, what are your fears telling you? Who is it you hide inside? Why?

Like any addiction, food can become an entity of its own... You are under oppression.

You write eloquently, perhaps for you, That is part of the answer.