DIET | DETECTIVE^®

So, Starbucks introduced a “skinny” line of drinks this past week, which got me thinking about Britney. She reportedly spent tens of thousands of dollars recently on plastic surgery to drop some lingering post-baby weight, but I couldn’t help but wonder: What if she had just eased up on the Starbucks? I was all prepped to write about the obscene amount of calories she consumes in frappuccino form…and then she went and stepped up her train-wreck game with this whole custody catastrophe. But you know what? This is a nutrition blog, so let’s focus on the coffee and ignore all the other craziness. (At least for five minutes.)

Here’s what we know: Brit’s favorite is the Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino, venti, with whipped cream (500 calories).

Now, it’s been around 16 months since Jayden James was born. Multiply those calories by 480 days—because lord knows she’s more likely to skip a deposition than a Starbucks run—and Brit has consumed 240,000 calories in the form of carameliciousness. (Oh, back off, spell-check!)

However, if she had opted for a venti Skinny Caramel Latte, she would’ve saved 340 calories a day. (True, it only hit the menu yesterday—but she could’ve made the swap by using the slightly wordier “nonfat, sugar-free, hold the whip.”) Over the past sixteen months, she would’ve saved 163,200 calories. That’s the equivalent of 46 fewer pounds of fat.

Now, obviously Britney has only gained about half of that—that's because she does occasionally find time to hit up the Millennium Dance Studio (between court appearances and paparazzi foot-crushing) and burn off a few hundred of those calories. And like any good starlet, Britney has probably replaced a meal or two hundred with a cup of joe.

But I’m also generously overlooking her midnight chalupa runs and pre-show margaritas. Suffice to say, if she’d made a few adjustments to her coffee of choice, she might be looking a lot like Britney-circa-2001 right about now. And maybe she could have saved a few bucks on the lipo, too.

Hindsight is 20/20, huh?

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