DIET | DETECTIVE^®

Britney's diet of Cheetos, chalupas, and caramel macchiatos hasn't actually helped her lose any baby weight—shocking, I know!—and rumor has it she's coughing up close to $100,000 for plastic surgery to repair the damage. But one diet expert is (drumming up publicity for his book by) claiming that her junk food addiction may also be the reason she's going bonkers.

According to Dr. Timothy Brantley, Britney should stick with "calming" foods like salmon, olive oil, broccoli and lentils. She should also snack on yogurt and get her caffeine fix from green tea instead of sugar-laden coffee drinks. Brantley says, "These foods are excellent for the brain...her emotions are going to become stabilized, and so will her behavior."

It's true—a healthy diet will absolutely improve mood. But I don't think it's going to help Britney. For starters, it would involve her making a smart choice, and smart choices are not exactly her strong suit. This is a girl who drives without a license, skips out on court-ordered drug tests, shoplifts on camera, and goes out for coffee instead of showing up for custody hearings. Why, why, why would she ever think, "Y'all, I really should watch out for my health"? But moreover, I just don't think diet or depression are behind her erratic behavior. That’s all I’m saying.

But for the rest of us, omega-3’s and antioxidants are a fab choice—and a good bet for surviving the holidays without losing your sanity (or gaining a size).

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