It pains me to even report on Kelly Brook, because for starters, she’s a “model-actress” and I don’t really think a stint on Celebrity Love   Island qualifies her as the latter. But I digress. I’m reporting on her because she says she stays in shape by “having tons of sex so you look fit and healthy.” Well, okay then. Girl knows how to get publicity.

But let’s take her word for it and see whether nookie is a valid workout. Apparently, “passive sexual activity”—i.e., basic canoodling—burns 68 calories per hour. “Vigorous sexual activity,” on the other hand, burns 102 calories in an hour. Now consider that brushing your teeth burns 136 calories in an hour. Sure, you don’t brush your teeth for an entire hour, but you also don’t…well, you know where I’m going. Maybe the calorie calculator took that into consideration, though, because guess what else burns 102 calories per hour? Reclining.

 Which makes me wonder: How much do you think her fiancé, Billy Zane, paid her to say that?

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