DIET | DETECTIVE^®

I think there’s a general consensus that this year’s VMAs were the worst yet. Everything moved at the speed of attention deficit, the Vegas party vibe felt artificial, and of course, some evil genius chose Britney to kick it off. With all the blog attention her performance has been getting, you’d think she did something shocking. She didn’t. She lip-synched badly, danced like she’d taken a few too many Xanax, and wore something trashy and unflattering. These are her trademarks, people, remember? But what amazes me is that, amidst all the much-deserved backlash about her performance, so many people seem to be focusing on her weight.

The thing is, for a mom of two, Britney has a pretty slammin’ body. Her BMI is probably around 24—the high end of normal. But perhaps there was a more flattering wardrobe choice out there somewhere. (At some point, she must have grasped this concept; I’ve heard she was supposed to wear a matching corset and ditched it at the last minute. So maybe her deer-in-headlights expression was actually more of a naked-on-stage-and-OMG-it’s-not-a-bad-dream expression.)

Still, a little bit of back fat was hardly the low point of her performance. It was a wobbly mess from start to finish. Her weight had nothing to do with it—she just didn’t deliver. And yet every tabloid writer in the country spent Sunday night polishing their most clever fat jokes.

Yes, she should have worn more. Not just to the VMAs, but as a general rule. Girl has a serious problem with pants. But when a performance like hers earns a headline like “Lard and Clear,” how can anyone expect celebrities to be okay with a few extra pounds? It’s acceptable to be super-skinny and minimally talented—ahem, Nicole Richie—but not to be healthy and minimally talented. Being skinny, by Hollywood standards, is a talent in and of itself.

On the bright side, I think Rihanna looked the best of any celeb in attendance—and she’s been unapologetically putting on a few pounds recently. (Ironically, the extra weight accentuated her hourglass shape, so most people assumed she’d lost a few.) She says, “I just got off vacation and I couldn’t get back in the gym due to my hurt toe, so I’ve gained a few pounds. But I’m good with it, I like it.” Then again, her performance was flawless—maybe that’s why no one complained about her booty shorts.

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