My mother called me in tears this week. She had read the last posted article and felt such a heavy sense of responsibility for the pain that being overweight has caused me. After all, I was the child of overweight parents. I choose my verb tenses carefully – ‘was’.

My pediatrician used to refer to me as “Big El” – a nickname that used to haunt me in what I interpreted to be its judgment and cruelty. After all, even as a child and most especially as a child, I was made acutely aware of my large size. Dr. C used to implore me to lose weight. He explained the vogue idea of genetics; he explained that as the child of overweight parents I would likely never be thin. He directed my father to put a stop to midnight snacks. He insisted that my mother take me to Weight Watchers – where, at age 8, I stood in a line of older women and boarded the scale. When I continued to put on the pounds in defiance, hiding Halloween candy in my bedroom, he had my mother take me to a nutritionist. “Losers Are Winners” was the name of the office, and indeed, I became a loser who continued to gain weight.

As I continue to reflect upon the weight of these experiences and of the experiences I endure as a thin young man of 27, I gain understanding. I let go.

I reminded my mother that had I not held the experiences of my youth, I would not be writing these words today. I would likely not have been the individual I am today. I feel grateful.

To this day, I believe that what inspired my successful weight loss was accepting responsibility for my own weight. At 18, I was an adult. In our society, the role of an adult is to bear responsibility for one’s actions, however, when it comes to weight we find comfort in blame.

I began to attend Weight Watcher meetings. I counted ‘points’ with diligence. I recorded on paper every item that passed through my lips. I sought therapy. I began the working out of it all. Genetics or not, I believed in the power of my responsibility. I reformed the behaviors of my youth and it was not easy, but such is life.

And so, this piece is for my mother; an overweight woman who I deeply respect and admire at any size and in whom I have the faith that she too will learn to let go.

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