DIET | DETECTIVE^®

I love Ed Helms. Or more specifically, I love to hate Andy Bernard, his character on The Office. Since it’s summer and I’m having tube withdrawal, I was excited to stumble across Ed’s diet—which, it turns out, is even more fantastic than his character’s near-drowning in an inflatable sumo suit last season. (Best. Scene. Ever.) Here’s how Ed gained nine pounds in his first three months on the show.

Breakfast: Ed goes for eggs and bacon from catering. “I ask for cheddar in the eggs, just for extra cholesterol,” he told Every Day with Rachael Ray. “If I'm feeling particularly decadent, which is always, I'll add a doughnut and some fresh fruit.”

Lunch: Crab legs, pasta, ribs, and the salad bar. (“I don't bother choosing. I just eat all of it.”) For dessert, he mashes cookies into ice cream. Beverage of choice: Arnold Palmer.

Dinner: Takeout…or a bowl of Cap’n Crunch.

Okay, so that’s a BIG number. But Ed says he goes for a jog or a bike ride after taping, which can burn up to 650 calories in a hour. And a moderately active male of Ed’s height and weight actually needs about 2800 calories a day to maintain weight. (Want to know yours? Click here for males or here for females.) So on one hand, he’s not actually that far off—assuming he’s telling the truth about his daily workouts.

On the other hand, I calculated those numbers based on average serving sizes—which, as you know, never seem to be based in reality. I also left out his optional doughnut and fruit, which could add several hundred extra calories onto the final figure and push him well over the edge.

Still, at least someone in Hollywood is hitting the craft services table.

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