I guess sometimes it’s not enough to live off of lean meats, steamed veggies, and an IV drip of Starbucks coffee. A British tabloid just released a list of some of the craziest celebrity diets, and…well, crazy is an understatement. Here are a few of my personal favorites.

SUSHI AND PINEAPPLE DIET
I accidentally follow this diet sometimes, because it incorporates my two favorite foods. But apparently Posh Spice—or Victoria Beckham, whatever—made it a 24/7 kind of thing. She ate nothing but sushi and pineapples to drop a few extra pounds (because, you know, she has so many to spare) before the 2006 World Cup in Germany . By the way, you know you’re only famous for being famous when you actually lose weight in anticipation of possible cutaway shots at your husband’s soccer game.

ICE CUBE DIET
Renee Zellweger’s favorite snack after a 20-mile power hike. Enough said. No wonder the girl looks withered.

CAVEMAN DIET
In prehistoric times, you couldn’t just run to Whole Foods whenever you were craving macrobiotic sesame noodles. Alas, you could only eat when your next meal roamed past, so you were lucky to get one good feast in a day. There’s the logic behind Liz Hurley’s Caveman Diet, which allows her one meal per day. Oh, and no mixing protein with carbs—it’s fish or couscous, Liz. The diet supposedly maximizes the body’s digestive system. Then again, the average caveman lived to be 20.

PURPLE FOOD DIET
Mariah Carey eats nothing but plums, grapes, and beets three days a week. Not to lose weight—just to reduce wrinkles. Then again, doesn’t she wear high heels in the bathtub?

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