I don’t know if you read last week’s National Enquirer, but if you happened to have a long wait at the grocery store recently, you probably know that both Kelly Clarkson and Mandy Moore are suffering from a dangerous eating disorder. It’s called “gaining weight in Hollywood .”

Well, actually, it’s binge eating disorder, at least according to the “fitness guru” quoted in the article. He cautions, “Binge eating is a disorder that can be just as fatal [as anorexia or bulimia].”

Wow. Apparently, anyone who packs on a few pounds is officially killing themselves with a fork. As evidence, the story shows unflattering pics of the two singers and guesstimates that Mandy is a size 10 and Kelly is a size 12. Now, since Kelly is a short little thing (she’s only 5’3”), I’m guessing that the size experts on staff at the Enquirer have been sensitized by Nicole Richie and grossly overestimated Kelly’s size. Being a bit height-challenged myself, I’d put her at an 8. And Mandy might be a size 10, but she’s also a giant at 5’10”. In other words, she’s proportional. You don’t see a lot of that in Hollywood , and it’s obviously scaring the crap out of the trainers.

According to the story, Mandy is gaining weight as a result of her battle with depression and her penchant for caffeinated beverages. (Brilliant argument, considering Mary-Kate Olsen practically has a Starbucks cup fused to her hand.) It has nothing—nothing!—to do with the baggy empire dress she’s wearing in her “fat pic.”

Kelly, on the other hand, is simply rebounding from a past eating disorder. The fitness guru strikes again: “It is possible for someone who’s recovered from an eating disorder to be so terrified of a relapse they might eat more. It’s obsessive behavior manifesting itself in a different way.” Okay, let’s get a few things straight. First of all, the ED he’s referring to comes from a dusty quote from Kelly in which she admitted to eating less for a few months after losing an audition to a prettier girl. “I had a time for a while when I didn't eat a lot…but I snapped out of it pretty quick,” she said. I’m sorry, but that sounds suspiciously like, um, dieting. And moreover, binge eating isn’t a reaction to the fear of anorexia. Let’s just say he’s probably not an expert in the manifestation of eating disorders and leave it at that.

Here’s the thing: Binge eating usually doesn’t have symptoms like, ahem, gaining ten pounds—or even 30 pounds in five years, in Kelly’s case. Weight is not an accurate indicator. Binge eating disorder is characterized by the emotional aspects of eating—eating alone, eating past the point of fullness, hoarding or hiding food, and feeling depressed after eating.

Somehow I don’t think Kelly and Mandy deserve a spot in the danger zone just yet.

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