I love backstage riders. I think you can learn a lot about someone by finding out what they need—nay, demand—to have with them on the road. You always find some insane, random request such as “fifty clean, white towels washed with organic detergent” or “two aromatherapy pillar candles” (that last one was from K-Fed). But the food rider is the most interesting for me. If you could request literally anything you wanted, what would it be? And with that kind of choice, why on earth would you request 40 bottles of Fiji water? Yawn. I would call for five bags of Tostitos nachos and various things to dip said Tostitos in, including but not limited to artichoke dip, pineapple salsa, and hummus. In case you were wondering, that’s also my death-row last-meal request. So, that said, let’s peek at some recent riders.

AMY WINEHOUSE
Highlights: Two bottles of red wine, one case of lager, one bottle of Courvoisier, large bottle of vodka, large bottle of champagne, 40 Marlboro lights, a bag of salad, and bio-organic yogurt. Somehow, I don’t think that last-ditch effort at health-consciousness is really going to cut it.

GNARLS BARKLEY
Highlights: In the first dressing room, we have a bucket of fried chicken, Hennessey, Snickers mini’s, a bowl of fruit, and some Magnum condoms. In the second, we have a large cheese pizza, Crown Royale, Snapple, a dozen donuts, and a bag of red Twizzlers. If you combine the two, coincidentally, you have everything that’s wrong with the American diet.

IGGY POP
Highlights: Strong coffee, two “enormous” pizzas (one four-cheese and one pepperoni), vegetarian soup, salad, ham, chicken, fruit, and chocolate. Unlike most rock stars, the Stooges don’t seem to have much in the way of brand loyalty. Although they also request a post-show dinner consisting of either local cuisine or endangered meat. The long-winded rider also provides a special tip for German promoters that vegetarian fare does not, in fact, include sausage.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Highlights: Full-fat vanilla soy milk, full-fat soy mozzarella, an organic berry platter, banana chips, Flintstone vitamins, and a cheese platter. I think this is an old rider, but it still makes me hungry. This isn’t food-related, but she also demanded zero pounds of dry ice per show. Huh? What kind of demand is that? If it’s going to be like that, I demand zero pounds of deli mustard and beef tripe.

KEVIN FEDERLINE
Highlights: Six cans of Red Bull, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bottle of Grey Goose, a bag of Doritos, and a bag of BBQ chips, and an ashtray. Seriously, if I was trying to write some sort of Federline tour-rider punchline, it would sound exactly like this. Also, shouldn’t you have to sell a few tickets before you can make backstage demands?

Bookmark:

TrackBack URI for this entry

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed