Are they pregnant? Or is that the “special glow” that can only come from a double cheeseburger?

 But there is the occasional celeb who isn’t a complete caloriephobe. And those are the celebs who spend the better part of their lives on an ego-crushing condition we call Bump Watch. 

 (You may remember Reese Witherspoon making the list this summer after having the audacity to exhale while playing on the beach with her son. Her itty-bitty paunch was immediately plastered all over the tabs alongside rumors of a third child. Look how that turned out.)

 On Bump Watch this week: Vanessa Minnillo and Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten was put on high alert after complaining that her back hurt (while doing stunts for Spider-Man 3…coincidence?) and eating lots of chocolate. It’s just that rare to see a starlet eating.

 As for Vanessa, she had two things working against her this week: a long-term boyfriend and an empire-waist shirt. Sorry, but I know I’ve busted out the empire waists a few times this week. What can I say? They’re forgiving. But when Vanessa wore hers on TRL, it made headlines—was she trying to hide a little Lachey in the oven?

 Further proof: Vanessa was also spotted wearing a scarf. Oh wait, you wear scarves in the winter, too? I thought it was just me. But in Hollywood, a scarf is just another obvious ploy to hide your brewing belly.

 Let’s chalk these so-called pregnancies up to an epidemic case of Christmas bloat. I’m sure Kirsten and Vanessa will be back to their teensy selves any day now.

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